Sunday, December 11, 2005

This Am Bizarro Rocket

There is news out of Boston that the Red Sox have contacted Roger Clemens about rejoining his old team. I think it is a good move, if only because it may force Bill Simmons into a) re-writing his entire book (he drops about 1000 zingers on Clemens in it), or b) a straight-jacket and very padded room.

I don't ever remember a baseball off-season being this goofy. I feel like I am on Htrae, and MLB is being run by the Bizarro Code:

1. US DO OPPOSITE OF ALL EARTHLY THINGS!
2. US HATE BEAUTY! US LOVE UGLINESS!
3. IS BIG CRIME TO MAKE ANYTHING PERFECT ON BIZARRO WORLD!"


5 Comments:

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Alex said...

I think Simmons is in Boston for his book tour too. If I watch the local news on my Boston affiliate stations tonight, I'll be half-expecting to hear a story begin with "A man, later identified as Bill Simmons of ESPN, was apprehended earlier this evening attempting to break into the home of Boston Red Sox owner John Henry..."

In all seriousness, I hope they don't resign him unless he's actually willing to travel with the team and be part of the clubhouse, not just parachute in every 5th day for the start. Chemistry's been a big part of the Sox's success and I'd hate to see someone brought in who could potentially upset that.

Plus, he might be a bad influence on Beckett, telling him to high-tail it to Canada for more money when his contract's up.

And what's up with Ron Artest's trade request. Where the heck did that come from? And why would he want to go to New York? Has he seen the club they have in place there. I just don't get it. Maybe the Raptors could make a play for him; Gene Keady would be a good influence, and he could cast Assistant Coach Alex English in his rap videos. Sure it would be a step down from English' appearance in Hootie & The Blowfish' video for "Only Wanna Be With You", but it's still visibility.

 
At 8:41 PM, Blogger Andy Grabia said...

Nice Alex English reference. God those Nuggets unis were hot. Did you know he retired as the 7th leading scorer of All-Time? I sure as hell didn't.

For some reason your reference made me think of the Bucks, and the sweet short I had in the late 80's/90's. Remember those awesome NBA shirts where the guy had a large head, and a small body? Shit, you probably still own one. Anyways, I had a Bucks one, and a Pistons one. Oh Terry Cummings, Rickey Pierce and Adrian Dantley.

 
At 8:41 PM, Blogger Andy Grabia said...

P.S.

Artest is crazy.

 
At 10:42 PM, Blogger Alex said...

Artest *is* crazy, I just hope this stunt doesn't affect his fantasy output.

I never owned one of those shirts, though I do vividly remember them. I've spent the last half hour on eBay searching for some, but have come up empty so far.

And you're right about the Nuggets unis. How hot it would be to get your hands on this bad boy from Mitchell and Ness?

 
At 11:02 PM, Blogger Andy Grabia said...

Here is one.

 

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