Saturday, February 04, 2006

SportsMatters Post Crashes Blogger

It appears that the breaking scandal over SportsMatters writer Kevin Kimmis' secret love of the Seattle Seahawks has brought the mighty weblogging system Blogger to its knees. An exponential increase in traffic related to the breaking story, delivered by fellow SM writer Andy Grabia and freelance photographer Nathan Muhly, caused Blogger's entire system to be down for most of the day, Friday April 3, 2006. Not only was the day ruined for those sports fans who had faithfully believed Kevin to be a hard-core Rams Steelers fan; it also ruined the day of millions of political hacks across Canada, who did not have free reign to be on the internet immediately, expressing their disgust throughout the world. Unknowing of the true cause of the cyber-meltdown, Warren Kinsella has blamed the crash on Justice John Gomery, Scott Feschuk on the Liberal Party of Canada "mole", Scott Reid on parents who like beer and popcorn, Maude Barlow on the secret Masonic blood-pact between Prime Minister Stephen Harper and President George W. Bush, Jason Kenney on OMNI, and Small Dead Animals readers on the obviously communist shadows in their computer rooms.

Sad to say, the first photo of closet Seahawks lover Kevin Kimmis is not the last. Last year, at the Edmonton Folk Music Festival, Kevin was photographed wearing a Seattle Seahawks fan-mask. At the time, most believed that Kevin was merely cold from the late August Edmonton weather, and was using the mask to keep his face warm (although Nate and I were suspicious). In light of the now infamous "Space Needle" photograph, however, the photograph sheds yet even more insight into the heart and mind of one Kevin P. Kimmis.

We still do not know how Kevin's eyes and mouth were whitened in this picture. Perhaps it was just a coincidence. Or, perhaps, it is further proof that long ago Kevin sold his soul for the sake of cheering for a winning team. I will leave it up to you, dear reader, to decide. Oh yes, only YOU can decide.

I am torn, faithful reader, between asking you to return tomorrow for the last and most shocking installment of this tragic trilogy, or in begging you to keep away, in order that others may have access to Blogger and its services. Ultimately, I believe I must err on the side of truth, and justice, and the Chicago way, and compel you to join us again anon for what will hopefully be the end of this terrible, heart-rendering drama. Until then, I remain your humble servant in the truthiness, and bid you adieu.


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