I Probably Would Have Fainted

Bill Simmons was signing books in New York City last night, and lo and behold, who should appear on the scene? Chuck Klosterman, of course. I love my city and my province, but one of the real pains about them is the lack of cultural events like this. Don't get me wrong. In Edmonton, we have a great theatre scene, an awesome music festival, and one more professional sports team than lots of other cities. But it hurts to know that last night I could have met two of my biggest idols if I had only been a few thousand miles eastward. Arbitrary geographical place of birth can be such a nuisance.

It also pains me to know that Simmons' book is available out east, but isn't here. Now I am going to have to go through the effort of looking all over the city for it, even though I KNOW it isn't to be found. I have already persisted in this search every day for the past two weeks, and yet I will do it again. Even Pavlov's dog would be embarrassed for me. Sigh.

***Update*** 2:33 p.m.

Now I Can Die In Peace. About a minute after I finished this post, I checked the Chapters page, again, to see if the book was in. A total exercise in futility, I assumed. But Holy Cross, the book was in!!! Two copies available at the Chapters on Calgary Trail (or, as they like to call it now, Gateway Boulevard). I actually screamed out loud, like my buddy Bendall always does. A loud, feminine scream. I raced to put on some clothes, including my Red Sox cap. A must, considering the occasion. I wore no socks (ain't that poetry?), however, and didn't even bother to wash my face, put on deodorant, or brush my teeth. I raced out from my apartment to the car, positive that someone was going to beat me there. I tried to call my girlfriend, to give her the good news, and even called Kimmis to see if he wanted me to pick up the extra copy for him. No luck with either.

I don't know if I have even driven that recklessly. I got to the Chapters in 6.5 minutes. To give you an indication of how fast that is, it took me 11 to get home, when I was driving normally. I looked at myself once in the mirror, and couldn't believe how disgusting I looked. I got to the Chapters parking lot, and actually ran in to the store. I headed straight for the Sports section, and there she was. Manna. When I went to pay for the book, I stood a great distance away from the cashier, for fear of overpowering her with my nasty, morning breathe. She didn't seem to mind, as she chatted me up like we were best friends. I then tried to call Abboud, in Halifax, to share with him my great victory. Even he didn't answer. Apparently, God decided I must make this trek from Purgatory to Heaven without a companion. No Virgil for me. Not even the Million Dollar Man's bodyguard Virgil for this guy.

Obviously, I am home now, and eager to get into the book. I actually have some work to do tonight, which is going to get in the way of my reading. Expletive.

Abboud has just called me, and is on his way back to Boston for the weekend. I am soooo jealous. Can you imagine what it must be like in that city right now? What it is going to be like this weekend, with the Yankees in town and the season on the line? I have encouraged Abboud to do some audioblogging from his phone. Hopefully he can set it up and find the time. Wouldn't it be great to hear some mp3 files from a Boston bar during the games? I certainly think so.