Monday, January 23, 2006

Bill Simmons: Prophet?

The venom of a black mamba can kill a human in four hours, if, say, bitten on the ankle or the thumb. However, a bite to the face or torso can bring death from paralysis within 20 minutes. Now, you should listen to this, 'cause this concerns you. The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan. You know, I've always liked that word..."gargantuan"... so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. If not treated quickly with antivenom, 10 to 15 milligrams can be fatal to human beings. However, the black mamba can deliver as much as 100 to 400 milligrams of venom from a single bite.
-Elle Driver

Earlier this month, ESPN columnist Bill Simmons took Kobe Bryant to task for not going for an 80 point night against the Dallas Mavericks. Turns out Black Mamba must have been listening, because tonight he dropped 81 on the hapless Toronto Raptors. The point total for a single game is the second highest ever, behind only Wilt Chamberlain's 100 point game against the Knicks in 1962. The Stilt also scored 78 against the Lakers in 1961, in addition to shagging almost 20,000 women. So Kobe has something to work towards, anyways.

Bryant "shot 28-of-46 from the floor, including 7-of-13 from 3-point range and 18-of-20 from the foul line." Only four other players have ever scored over 70 points in a game: Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor, David Thompson and David Robinson. Michael Jordan's career high was 69 (giggle giggle). Kobe almost reached that mark in the 2nd half alone, draining 55. ESPN even has the shot chart up. It should be noted that Bryant scored 81 points in only 42 minutes. That, for lack of a better term, is f&#ing impressive.

Oh, and the Lakers won the game. Too bad they either won't make the playoffs, or will be knocked out in the first round by a team that distributes the ball to all of its players.


At 7:30 AM, Blogger Alex said...

How about this shootout in Phoenix, where the Sonics and Suns combined for 301 points and a single-game record for 3 pointers. Sure they needed Double Overtime to get there, but it was still quite the night for the NBA.

At 9:19 AM, Blogger Avi Schaumberg said...

Stranger and more improbable than Kobe's achievement was that I watched it. (Another Fox movie night pre-empted the Simpsons, and Global went with Todd Bridges On Ice instead of their usual animated re-runs). What a treat!

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Nathan Muhly said...

"Death" and "paralysis" are two terms that aptly describe the Raps' D.

Even if Kobe drops a hundred in one game, he will still be disliked by anyone who isn't a Lakers fan or a fan of his before he was accused of rape.


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