Saturday, May 13, 2006

The CFL: Our Bongs Are Bigger

Move over Netherlands, because Canada is making a charge to become the refuge of choice for pot smokers. Its first target: suspended National Football League players.

On the heels of the news that Ricky Williams could join the Toronto Argonauts, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers have made their own move, signing "The Original Whizzinator", Onterrio Smith. Williams and Smith are both serving suspensions for violating the League's substance abuse policy; Smith was cut by the Minnesota Vikings this off-season, while Williams is seeking the permission of his club, the Miami Dolphins, to play Canadian ball while serving a mandatory one-year suspension this coming season.

Could this be the end of the family-friendly marketing of the CFL? Perhaps they are planning to make the league more 'adult-friendly', like a certain failed football promoter did with his more successful venture. Here are a few other suggestions for a new-look CFL:

• Halftime Attraction: Bra and Panties Match between the cheerleading squads (but not the male cheerleaders)
• Deputy Commissioner: Nate Newton
• Gimmick Games: Hardcore Battle Royal for the right to the first overall draft pick; three-way dance for the Western Conference championship.
• Official Soundtrack of the CFL: Pink Floyd's 'Dark Side of the Moon'
• Official Snack Food of the CFL: Lay's Potato Chips, as provided by the closest 7-11 to each stadium.
• Mandatory Import for Each Team: Oakland Raiders fans.
• CFL on CBC Color Commentator: Dave Chappelle
• Special Guest Referee for the Grey Cup: Barry Bonds

You know what? This might actually be fun. If nothing else, the potential addition of both Onterrio Smith and Ricky Williams to the league has caused me to pay more attention to the CFL than I have in about 12 years. That has to count for something.


At 10:28 AM, Blogger Andy Grabia said...

Great title for the post. And it is true: I may actually watch a CFL game now. In fact, I will actually go to a Argis game to watch Williams. I wonder if the CFL ball will make him fumble more or fumble less than before?


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