You Don't Mess With Neil Diamond...

A note for Murphy or Tyler. If you see this guy outside of SkyDome, can you please punch him in the face for ruining two perfectly good Neil Diamond songs? And if he makes a video for his bastardization of "R.O.C.K. in the USA", a swift kick to the groin to follow would be appreciated as well.

Thanks to Deadspin for pointing me to this blog.

The Greeks Are Going Mad!

Forget West Germany versus France in 1982. Man U versus Bayern Munich in 1999. Forget the Hand of God and the Feet of God. Forget The Edmonton Drillers versus The Chicago Sting in 1981. The greatest soccer match in history was the International Philosopher's Match, played between Germany and Greece, in a time unknown. It was documented first in Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus, a 1972 German Special. The game then again appeared in Live at the Hollywood Bowl. It was taped in two parts, and was shown with other video in between it.

It was a marvelous display of talent.



The embedded YouTube clip above is missing a segment where Karl Marx is substituted, and where the Greeks celebrate their winning goal. A second YouTube clip is here, has both those segments, but is missing the entire first part of the game. If you watch both videos, it should all make sense. Unfortunately, this is the best I could find at this time. It is an extremely hard game to find video of, for obvious reasons. I mean, look at these lineups:

DEUTSCHLAND
1 LEIBNIZ
2 I.KANT
3 HEGEL
4 SCHOPENHAUER
5 SCHELLING
6 BECKENBAUER
7 JASPERS
8 SCHLEGEL
9 WITTGENSTEIN
10 NIETZSCHE
11 HEIDEGGER

GRIECHENLAND
1 PLATO
2 EPIKTET
3 ARISTOTELES
4 SOPHOKLES
5 EMPEDOKLES VON ACRAGA
6 PLOTIN
7 EPIKUR
8 HERAKLIT
9 DERAKLIT
10 SOKRATES
11 ARKIMEDES

A full transcript is here.

Rocket Returns To Houston

Bill Simmons can breathe a sigh of relief. Roger Clemens won't be a Red Sox this year, or a Yankee, or a Ranger. He has resigned with Houston, and should be back in their rotation by the end of June.

The defending National League champs currently sit in third in their division, six and a half behind the Cardinals. They're only 3 1/2 out of the wild card lead, but also have six teams ahead of them in that particular race. Still, the return of Clemens can't come soon enough for these Astros. They stand one game above .500, but have a run differential of -21, which tells us that they have either been really lucky, or that when they lose, they lose badly. While he won't help the offense (tied for 10th in the league in runs scored), he should boost a pitching staff that has allowed the second most runs in the league.

But can he do enough to push them past the rest of the pack and into the playoffs? I don't think so. So I don't see Roger going out a winner. On the other hand, going out with $13 mil for 3 1/2 months of work isn't a bad way to exit either.

Theismann, For Once, Not Impressed The Most With Someone

Joe Theismann called out Ricky Williams today. saying that Ricky is a 'disgrace to the game', and that he's embarrassed to be a former Toronto Argonaut right now. Here's a longer quote:

I don't ever want to be mentioned in the same breath as Ricky Williams as a football player. He's a disgrace to the game. The man doesn't deserve to play football. He should go on with his life and treat his drug addictions or go do whatever he wants to do. He's been suspended from the National Football League on multiple occasions. Doesn't anybody have any class anywhere? For gosh sakes, let the kid go do what he wants to do. He doesn't want to play football.

While Theismann probably has a point about Ricky not wanting to play football, he's going overboard beyond that. Perhaps it's just my value judgment, but I would be far less concerned with sharing a jersey with a pot smoker than I would be with a player who killed someone while driving drunk, or a player who punched his wife on Valentine's Day - to name two guys still employed by the NFL. I've yet to hear Theismann get self-righteous about the presence of these players in the NFL, so it's hard to take his indignation seriously. While what Ricky did was against the rules, and he deserves the punishment he has received, if we're going to look at it broadly, his misdeeds are not nearly as bad as some of those committed by other NFL players, past and present. (On a complete side note, it's not like marijuana is even a performance enhancer, unlike most of the drugs that professional athletes take).

While we're on the subject of moralizing, Joe, some people would say that changing the pronunciation of your last name so that it rhymes with a trophy is disgraceful as well. Just a thought.

So, Mr. Theez-man, please stick to being a subpar color commentator and compensated endorser. Thanks.

Sports Matters has more coverage of Ricky to the Argos here and here.

The Prince

Check out this 471 foot home run by Milwaukee Brewers first baseman Prince Fielder. Just a mammoth shot that actually clears the stadium in Pittsburgh. Daddy must be proud. And Red Sox fans, look who is greeting The Prince as he rounds 3rd!

Actually, this shot is pretty impressive, too. This kid is gonna have a great career.

They're Finally Starting To Get It

Pardon the Interruption, ABC, But Nice Work!

First, they announce that Tony Kornheiser will be in the booth for Monday Night Football on ESPN this year, now they've put Michael Wilbon in the studio for the ABC broadcast of tonight's Pistons-Heat game. This is good news because:

• Everyone loves the guys from PTI. We can't get enough of them. Unlike many analysts or experts, they actually have well thought out opinions, and can back them up. For example, Patrick asked Wilbon whether he'd pick D-Wade or LeBron, if given the chance; Wilbon picked D-Wade, citing his defense and greater ability to adjust in-game. I'm not sure I agree, but I find that to be a perfectly acceptable justification.

• People crave analysts who talk about the actual game. Too many times we get stuck with former players who fail to put their Communications majors from college to work and provide platitudes instead of meaningful insight. As a journalist, Wilbon has devoted his career to following the game, and it shows.

• Kornheiser and Wilbon are nothing if not entertaining, and we can always use more entertainment from the booth.

A tip to the other networks. We care more about the informed opinions of guys who have made a career out of following sports. If you're going to continue to shove former players down our throats (NBC, I'm looking at you for the Jerome Bettis signing), then at least instruct them that what we want out of them is insight into what the players are thinking. That's not too much to ask, is it?

A few more game-day thoughts:

• The Pistons appear to be fighting, with players calling out each other and their Coach. Normally not a good sign, but keep in mind they played through the Larry Brown distraction last year and fell mere minutes short of their second straight title.

• Props to ABC for using some more contemporary music (Will Smith, Biggie) to balance out the dated Tom Petty soundtrack that the league chose for the playoffs.

• Props to Dan Patrick for saying how Big Ben Wallace, defending Shaq tonight, needed to "man him up" tonight - the phrase 'man up', which I hear almost exclusively on ESPN Radio, has become one of my favorites. It works in so many situations.

• I love the Heat, mostly because of the Diesel, but I have to think the Pistons take this one. In-fighting or not, they know that their backs are against the wall, and they have too much pride to go out without a fight. I still think we're looking at a Miami-Dallas final, though.

Enjoy the game, and a Happy Memorial Day to our American readers!

Ricky Williams Signs With the Argos

Ricky will suit up for the Toronto Argonauts this year. Press conference is live on TSN...right now.

Back Home Again In Indiana

A few thoughts on the pieces of today's Indy 500 that I happened to catch:

• I don't watch auto racing, or follow it in any form (I can probably name about 5 drivers and I have no idea if CART and IRL have kissed and made up yet), but damn if it doesn't get exciting in the final few laps. Of course, it's entirely possible that I will also watch any sort of competitive event.

• Big props to ABC for dressing up their pit crew correspondents in racing uniforms. I'd like to see this tried out for sideline reporters in other sports. In fact, I'm picturing Sam Ryan in a baseball uniform as I write this. Good times.

• Danica Patrick did well, I think. She was in 6th last time I checked the standings. However, I'm wondering if she's ever won anything, or if there are some Anna Kournikova-like factors contributing to her celebrity? Can you help me out here racing fans?

• You really can't put a price on hearing lines like "Sam Hornish Jr. pulled out too soon".

• Speaking of Hornish, he did the old draft and pass move that Cole Trickle perfected in Days of Thunder to take the lead on the final turn. I kept waiting for the camera to pan to a cheering Robert Duvall and Nicole Kidman in pit lane.

It's Like Canadian Football, Except Awesome

The new Klosterman article is up.

Radio Silence

My anti-beard, hat and Whalers jersey combo finally ran out of mojo after seven straight wins. Frankly, I blame the loss entirely on Sacamano at Battle of Alberta, who has been dancing all over the Oiloglosphere, practically goading the Hockey Gods into giving the Ducks a win. Make sure to check out his poem on Covered in Oil. It's particularly priceless.

In an effort to offset the bravado, I am going silent for the next few days. No comments or posts will be Oilers related. Hopefully, I'll see you all on the other side.

And before anyone asks, yes, I realize this flies in my earlier assertions about rationality in sports. And no, I don't care about the inconsistency.

It's Not Easy Bein' Green

Brian Burke is the current General Manager of the Ducks, and immediate past General Manager of the Vancouver Canucks. As if that wasn't enough reason to dislike the guy, I found out today that Burke tried to get rid of Brass Bonanza when he was General Manager of the Hartford Whalers. Sure, the guy drafted Chris Pronger, but c'mon. Ban Brass Bonanza? Are you kidding me?

I am watching Burke on SportsNet right now. It never ceases to amaze me how much of a grump this guy is. My favorite is when he complains about "the media" and how they cover things, despite the fact that he was an analyst on TSN for the past few years. In honour of the Grinch Who Almost Stole Bonanza, here is Carmen Electra dancing to it on the Craig Kilborn show! As Kermit would say, "Yayyyyyyy!!!"

Wages Of Wins

On the continuing trail of eliminating false orthodoxy from professional sports, an interesting article on The Wages of Wins by Malcolm Gladwell in The New Yorker. Thanx to Mike D. at Sports Blah for the link.

***Update*** For any who doubt that Gladwell's article is worth reading, here is a tidbit that might draw you in:

The Win Score algorithm suggests that Ray Allen has had nearly as good a career as Kobe Bryant, whom many consider the top player in the game, and that the journeyman forward Jerome Williams was actually among the strongest players of his generation.

I always knew I was right about The JYD!!!

Myth-Busting

In a thread over on The Battle of Alberta today, a commenter went to task on Oilers forward Georges Laraque and his behavior in Game Three against the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. In the 3rd period, Laraque got into his second fight of the game with Todd Fedoruk, and on his way to the penalty box lifted his arms in the air, encouraging the Oilers faithful to make some noise. Of course, the place went ballistic. Adding apparent fuel to the fire, Laraque hammed it up for the camera in the penalty box, smiling and giving a thumbs-up to the crowd (this part was not seen by the television audience at home). After the game, Oilers coach Craig MacTavish was asked about Laraque's enthusiasm:

I'm never a big advocate of that," said Oilers head coach Craig McTavish. "That stuff always comes back to haunt you. Georges did that in the (Chris) Simon fight against Calgary, which seemed like a more appropriate time. But he's been around long enough to know you can look awful foolish and why give them that opportunity? So I don't foresee him doing that again."

Articles are now starting to pop up about the incident, and some analysts on Canada's sports channels have complained about it. Assuredly, Hockey Night in Canada's Don Cherry will discuss it at some time Thursday night (I have no idea if Kelly Hrudey and Ron Maclean did Wednesday night. I was at my son's baseball game). Towering bastion of integrity Teemu Selanne called it "a lack of respect," and part-time Olympic diver Joffrey Lupul called it "frustrating." Benched Ducks goalie J.S. Giguere, who had a giant hissy fit earlier in the season because Oilers forward Ryan Smyth was blocking his line of vision, said, "I don't think that has any place in the NHL."

Of course the Ducks are going to use any piece of motivation they can. They are down three games to none to the Oilers, one game away from elimination. Their top sniper (Selanne) had fewer points in the series than Oilers goaltender Dwayne Roloson going into Tuesday's game. And nothing else that they are doing, whether it is running the goalie, diving, or starting fights, has worked. It makes sense, then, that the Ducks would grab hold of this angle for dear life. What doesn't make any sense, however, is that analysts and Oilers fans are succumbing to what is essentially a lie. I have no qualm with anyone suggesting that Georges' arm-raising and thumbs-up were unsportsmanlike acts. I disagree, but I can understand where people are coming from. What I have a problem with is the assertion, first suggested by Mac T and now being picked up by others, that Laraque's act allowed the Ducks to get back in the game. This is what one of the commenters on BoA had to say:

And any game lost by the Oilers from this point in this series should be blamed in large part on Laraque, who woke up the Ducks.

The problem with this assertion is that it is at the very least impossible to prove, if not 100% false. Let's take a look at the Game Log from the 3rd period of Game Three between the Oilers and Ducks:

3rd Period

3:45–-Laraque and Fedoruk: Fighting (Major)

3:58--Vishnevski: Roughing

4:11--Niedermayer: Hooking

4:40--Pahlsson: High Stick

4:40--Pronger: Goal

The second Laraque fight against Fedoruk came at 3:45 of the 3rd period, when the score was 3-0 Edmonton. Then Anaheim took three straight penalties, giving Edmonton extended time on the 5 on 3. At 4:40 of the 3rd, Chris Pronger scored another goal to make it 4-0 Edmonton. Two and a half minutes later, at 7:15 of the 3rd, Anaheim scored their first goal of the hockey game, on a broken play.

The dilemma this provides is obvious: if Laraque's play "woke up" the Ducks, and inspired them to come racing back in the 3rd, why did they take three minor penalties and get scored upon before they made their move? Were they so pumped up that they took over-aggressive penalties? Were they so determined to mount a challenge that two of their players moved out of the way of Pronger's shot, allowing him to score? And if they were that jacked, why didn't they overtake the Oilers and win the game? Surely if the Laraque play could motivate them to score four goals in one period, it could have gotten them two more, or at least one for the tie.

The reality is that Laraque's antics didn't "wake up" the Ducks. If it did, it woke them up on the wrong side of the bed, because they took three stupid penalties and were scored upon immediately after it happened. In fact, it would make more sense to say that the fourth goal by Pronger woke them up, because they scored three goals in four minutes after that event happened. Now, I am not saying that intangibles like focus, anger and momentum have no effect on the outcome of a game. I think they can and they do, even if they are very difficult to quantify. But I think it would be fair to say that, in this instance, two hand gestures did not cause one team to surge in its performance. If anything, the opposite might be true. Why isn't anyone calling Laraque a hero today? I mean, he caused Anaheim to take three minor penalties and gave the Oilers a 4-0 lead, didn't he?

---

There is in fact an odd parallel to this story from another sport. On July 24, 2004, Boston Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek shoved New York Yankees 3rd Baseman Alex Rodriguez in the face, starting a bench-clearing brawl. At the time, the Yankees were winning the game 3-0 in the 3rd inning. Red Sox pitcher Bronson Arroyo hit Rodriguez on the elbow, in what Rodriguez thought was payback for his driving in the winning run the night before. As Rodriguez was heading towards the mound, Varitek cut him off. As the legend goes, Varitek told A-Rod, "we don't throw at .260 hitters," and a melee ensued. The Red Sox came back to win that game against the Yankees, on an improbable walk-off homerun by Bill Mueller off of the purportedly unbeatable Mariano Rivera. As soon as the game was over, the Red Sox talked about it being a turning point in their season (they were out of a playoff spot at that time), and even after they won the World Series that year, players and managers still pointed to that moment as the time when their team gelled and turned things around.

Similar to the situation last night in Edmonton, however, the facts simply do not support this belief. First off, Varitek never said what he was reported to say to Alex Rodriguez. He said something, but unfortunately it wasn't as damning and poetic as "we don't throw at .260 hitters." Secondly, the Red Sox season did not dramatically turn around after the brawl. Going into that series against the Yankees, the Red Sox had been 4-6 in their previous ten games. Following the brawl, the Sox pulled off a 5-5 record in ten games. Not exactly a stellar change, playing one game below five hundred for ten and then an even five hundred for the next ten. It wasn't until about two weeks later, on August 7, that the BoSox went on a tear, compiling a 19-4 record for the rest of August.

---

Both of these incidents illustrate the human desire to mythologize athletic figures and events. It's a natural occurrence that happens all the time. Unfortunately, neither of these myths is supported by evidence. In fact, the evidence runs contrary to the myth in both cases. For the Red Sox, it does not matter. They made the playoffs in 2004, pulled off the greatest comeback in the history of sports by beating the Yankees in seven after being down three games to none in the American League Championship Series, and eventually went on to win their first World Series since 1918. But for the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, the myth may make all the difference. The Ducks now find themselves down and out in their series against the Oilers, and will assuredly do anything they possibly can to give themselves a chance at doing what only the 2004 Red Sox, 1942 Toronto Maple Leafs and the 1975 New York Islanders have accomplished: win a playoff series in seven after being down three games to none. And so, it appears, my own personal bias has come through in this post. Not only am I a believer in quantifiable analysis in sports; I am also a life-long Edmonton Oilers fan dying for his team to advance to the Stanley Cup Finals. As such, I'd like to nip the Laraque myth in the bud before it becomes the stuff of hockey legend. Hopefully the Edmonton Oilers can do the same and put away the Anaheim Mighty Ducks Thursday night at Rexall.

It Takes Two To Reason

Over at CanucksCorner, Tom takes issue with my defence of the Richards signing, posted below.

I would have liked to comment, but Tom's spam filter didn't like my reply. And I wasn't even being nasty!

So for the sake of continuing the conversation, here's the comment I tried to post. And if anyone has some tips for me as to why this didn't get past the filter, I'd appreciate it if you'd pass them on.

Tom,

You're correct that the projection is slightly out -- I inflated league revenues by 7.3% not the 7.8% the league actually achieved over the past five years. This is actually a bank error in my favour, but thanks for pointing it out.

However, it's not fair to assert, as you do, that: "The projection [of 7.8% revenue growth] is absurd...when expansion stopped...revenues were maxed out."

NHL revenues increased 6 and 6.4% in the 2002 and 2003 seasons, after expansion was done.

Early reports have already suggested that next year's cap could sit around $42 million, which implies league revenues are growing at a 7+% rate this year.

You don't say why you think the league is incapabable of growing revenues faster than inflation. Do you have a reason, or are you just pessimistic by nature?

A business whose growth fails to beat inflation is a business that's dying. Forget signing free agents: the owners should just cut and run.

My view is that the owners would have to be mildly -- or even extremely -- incompetent to botch the revenue piece. If they can't at least hit 5% revenue growth, they shouldn't be in this business, or any other.

MLB, for example, upped ticket prices an average 5.7% this year, and only once in the past ten years did they achieve year-over-year revenue growth of less than 7%. The NHL can do it too.

My underlying point, however, is not really rooted in the specific projection. The point I'm making is that the CBA formula inflates the salary cap and player maximum at a faster rate than revenue growth, and at a much faster rate than the salary minimums.

Under any scenario where revenues increase, that's going to mean a disproportionate increase to elite free agent prices.

Given that context, locking-in superior talent for five years worth of excess-salary-inflation is a sound strategy. Whether that gets you a 10% discount on the player's future value, or a 30% discount, is a something we'll find out in the future: but if revenues grow, the discount is guaranteed to appear.

A Dash Of Self-Delusion Here, A Sprinkle Of Homoeroticism There

"In my mind, it's absolutely embarrassing that we haven't won these games. I think there's a lot of good things out there all three games," Selanne said. "If somebody has to win four in a row when they are down 3-0, this can team can do it. This team hasn't quit one time this season and we're not going to quit this time either.

"The ketchup bottle is open so we just have to keep pushing," Selanne added. "Our goal scoring in this series has been like ketchup bottle. It's hard to get it out, but when it comes, it's going to come and it's going to come a lot."

--Teemu Selanne

Shiver Me Timbers

Here's the video from last night of Edmonton Oilers fans singing the Canadian National Anthem. One of the most inspirational things I have seen in my life. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to be there. As Sac has noted, seeing Joey Moss belt it out was amazing. Joey should be in the Hockey Hall of Fame. I have no doubt in my mind about that. And they should hang a banner in his honour in Rexall for all time. Hmm. Maybe I should get another petition going.



If anyone stumbles across the video of Bubbles from The Trailer Park Boys that they showed on the Jumbotron last night, lemme know. I'd like to see that.

Tampa’s Trick: Richards Takes A 20% Pay Cut

We’ve had a great discussion below about the wisdom of signing 26-year-old Brad Richards to a six-year deal that averages $7.8 million.

Never one to mince words, Andy dubbed the signing “retarded,” and Mudcrutch agreed it was “insane.” Boltsmag thinks that Richards is a franchise player, but that the deal handcuffs the team financially, and perhaps implies the departure of St. Louis. A2Y calls the signing a “sickeningly familiar” strategy that’s led to a “top-heavy team.”

I disagree.

As the commentary makes clear, Richards is generally regarded as a top-calibre player, but people question the wisdom of signing any player for maximum-level money – much less signing three players for close to the individual cap.

That might be fair in the very short term – this year or next. But the CBA’s built-in escalator clauses are about to take elite-player salaries on a wild ride. Thanks to these long-term deals, the Bolts have insulated themselves against the coming wave of 70s-style inflation that’s going to wreak havoc on the elite free agent market.

Consider this:

(millions)	NHL Revenue	Player Share (%)	Player Rev.	Team Max.	Player Max.	Player Min.	Entry Max.	FA Age
2005-06	2,167	54%	1,170	39.0	7.8	0.450	0.850	31
2006-07	2,325	55%	1,279	42.6	8.5	0.450	0.875	29
2007-08	2,495	56%	1,397	46.6	9.3	0.475	0.875	28
2008-09	2,677	56%	1,499	50.0	10.0	0.475	0.900	27
2009-10	2,872	57%	1,637	54.6	10.9	0.500	0.900	27
2010-11	3,082	57%	1,757	58.6	11.7	0.525	0.925	27

These numbers are based on the NHLPA’s assertion that league revenues will increase annually by 7.3% over the next five years.

If that happens, then by the 2010-11 season:

• NHL revenue will increase 42%.


• The individual player maximum salary will increase 50% to $11.7 million.


• The entry-level player maximum salary will increase 9% to $925,000.


• The minimum salary will increase 17%, but remain a modest $525,000.

It’s clear who the winners will be.

Even if Tampa matched an offer sheet, Mr. Richards would have become a free-agent in 2007-08 thanks to declining age-eligibility. By then, the individual maximum projects to be $9.3 million.

That makes Richards a 16%-off discount against his likely re-signing price. Not a bad deal – although nothing compared to January shopping in Montreal.

It gets much better in the later years. By 2010, Richards will cost just 66% of the $11.7 million individual cap –- the equivalent of signing him for $5 million in today’s market. Averaged over the next five years, it works out to paying 20% less than the individual cap.

Feaster clearly believes in the long-term math. And as a GM, he’s surely in a position to know which way league revenues are going. If the league’s growing faster than 7% -- and there’s every reason to think it can –- then the math gets even more favourable for the team.

While Feaster may struggle to fill the rest of his lineup within next year’s budget, that problem also solves itself fairly quickly.

In 2005-06, the Tampa Trinity cost the team about 41% of the salary cap. With Richards’ new contract, the figure will rise to 48% next year and be back to 41% by the 2008-09 season.

After than, it just gets silly: in the last two years of the CBA, the Bolts will use just 37% and 35% of the cap to pay three players who are collectively worth close to 60%.

Not only have they locked-in three proven performers, Tampa has ensured that from 2008-11 they’ll have ample resources to sign free agents and make a run at the Cup.

That’s three franchise players for the price of 1 ½, and one helluva bargain no matter how you look at it.

Year	Trinity Salary	% of Team Cap	Richards’ Salary	% of Individual Cap
2006-07	$20.3	47.6%	$7.8	91.5%
2007-08	$20.3	43.6%	$7.8	83.7%
2008-09	$20.3	40.6%	$7.8	78.0%
2009-10	$20.3	37.2%	$7.8	71.5%
2010-11	$20.3	34.7%	$7.8	66.6%

I believe Tampa’s math. And all those who do should be very, very worried for small market contenders like the Oilers.

Mudcrutch nailed it at the trade deadline: “As the cap goes up and some of the bad contracts expire, the unnatural advantage enjoyed by the Albertan teams will disappear.”

Come the offseason, the Oilers had better break-out the long-term signing pen. If they want to compete in the future, they’re going to need it.

Bring It On Home

My God. What the hell just happened? Sac says it all on BoA. You can witness my complete mental breakdown in the comments here. I now officially hate the Ducks. They were a cocky bunch of losers tonight. I wish I could line them all up for a bitch slap. Especially Selanne and Lupul.

We Know It's Been Gone For A Few Years. Time To Bring It On Home.

Replace Bob Cole & Harry Neale

I have created an online petition to replace Bob Cole and Harry Neale on Hockey Night in Canada. Please take the time to read the petition, sign it, and encourage others to do the same. Hockey bloggers should feel free to make the petition their own. We are all in this together. I took the liberty of making the Battle of Alberta a co-sponsor in this venture. Sac took a long time to get back to me, and I just went with how I thought they would reply. Apparently, Sac loves Cole and Neale, and didn't want to take part. I can't alter the petition, so just ignore their link when you see it. It appears that you have to leave an email address with your name, but I would imagine you could make that up. We all have email addresses we use just for these sorts of things anyways, don't we?

The petition reads as follows:

Whereas, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) is owned by Canadian taxpayers.

Whereas, Hockey Night in Canada is a television show on the CBC.

Whereas, Bob Cole and Harry Neale are the main play-by-play and colour men for Hockey Night in Canada.

Whereas, both men make repeated errors in identifying players, which two teams are actually playing, the score, who is being penalized, the rules, how much time is left on the clock, which city they are in, what day it is, when the next game will be, pronouncing player names, and so much more;

We, the undersigned, demand that the CBC take immediate action and:

1) Permanently replace Bob Cole and Harry Neale,

2) Replace them with Jim Hughson and anyone other than Greg Millen (if it has to be a goalie, we will take John Garrett),

3) Re-hire Chris Cuthbert as the number two play-by-play man on the CBC,

4) Make Scott Oake ask relevant and worthwhile questions,

5) Take further measures, and permanently replace Don Cherry with Kelly Hrudey.

Signed,

People For The Ethical Treatment Of Hockey Fans

***Update*** Covered In Oil pick up a Globe and Mail story today, calling for Cole to retire.

World Cup Notice

Because other have asked, and because I want to put pressure on Sheamus (and the rest of us) to do it, I want to state here that SportsMatters will indeed be providing coverage of the World Cup of Soccer. We may even have some guest appearances, and I don't mean Murphy. Stay tuned, faithful reader!

In the meantime, here are some old SportsMatters posts on the game those queer Euros call, "football."

World Cup
• Bonds Set To Boom, Then Collapse
• Basil At The Foreign Office
• World Cup 2006 Draw
• England Wins Under FIFA Seeding Rules
• It's Official
• The French Problem

Club & Other
• Soccer Violence
• Spit, Don't Swallow
• What's Next, Borussia Edmonton?
• How Many Beckham's Does It Take?
• Never Trust A Fake Sheikh
• Improbabilities
• Mindless Blatter
• Early Morning Contest
• Champions League Round Up

Predicting The NBA Conference Finals

Now that the dust has settled on the second round of the NBA playoffs, we are left with four teams standing - three of them are returnees from last year's final four, while the Mavs somehow pulled out a win over the champs, despite their best efforts to pooch the game in the second half.

I went 2 for 4 in the second round, nailing both of series in the East (along with the correct number of games for the Heat), but missing both Western semis (though I did correctly predict that they'd both go seven games). What does this mean? For one, my Western Conference pick, the Clippers, are out. Fortunately, the Heat are still standing, so half of my prediction for the final could come true. Secondly, on the heels of my 6/8 performance in round one, I'm still batting at a respectable clip of 8/12. So maybe I'm not horrible at picking in every sport - just most of them.

Now, on to the picks. Before I call the Conference Finals, my predictions for the winners in tonight's draft lottery:

1. Toronto Raptors
2. Atlanta Hawks
3. Portland Trail Blazers

I thought about picking the Bulls to win (they have New York's pick), since the basketball gods can't seem to stop kicking Knicks fans. But instead, I decided that New York will win it next year, when the Bulls have the right to swap with them. Therefore, Chicago will get uber-prospect Greg Oden, and an angry mob will drag Isaiah's bloody carcass through the streets of Queens. You heard it here first.

Now, the Conference Finals:

Eastern Conference
Detroit Pistons vs. Miami Heat
This is a rematch from the 2005 conference final that the Heat would have won were it not for an injury to Dwayne Wade and a collapse at the end of Game 7. The Pistons bring back pretty much the same squad, while the Heat have reconfigured the supporting cast around Shaq and D-Wade. The Pistons have the better starting five, but the Heat have the depth. The Pistons as a team have championship experience, but the Heat boast players such as Shaq and Gary Payton who have either won the championship, or made it to the finals.

At the start of the playoffs, I predicted that the Heat would come out of the East, and I still think they will. The Pistons have played too many games the past two seasons, and I sense that they're starting to wear down. They blew out the Cavs in Game 7 at home, but the Pistons teams of the past two years would not have let them hang around that long, and LeBron or no LeBron, would not have let them get ahead 3-2 in the series. And with all due respect to Chauncey Billups and his playoff prowess, the Heat have the two best players on the court this series, and no Guaran'Sheed is going to change that.

It will be close, but there will be a new champion coming out of the East

Prediction: Heat in 7

Western Conference
Dallas Mavericks vs. Phoenix Suns
After manhandling the chronically-underperforming Grizzlies in round one, Dallas nearly blew a 3-1 series lead against San Antonio, before miraculously saving their season with a late Game 7 rally. Having conquered the city of Los Angeles, the Suns begin moving East, hoping to knock off the Mavs, then eventually, either the Pistons or the Heat. Too bad it won't happen.

I like the Suns, they're fun to watch, and have a lot of talent on the floor. Unfortunately for them, the Mavs match up with them, or exceed them, in every category but one - three-point shooting. Can the Suns hit enough treys to make up for the difference in size, defense, and depth? Maybe, but I don't see it happening. After two grueling seven game series, I think the Suns are also going to start to wear down. If they are going to pull this off, they need to have the edge in most, if not all of the following categories:

• Speedy point guard playing at the two (Leandro Barbosa vs. Devin Harris)
• Shot-Blocking (Whoever technically plays Center for Phoenix vs. DeSagana Diop)
• Least Egregious Defensive Performance by a Point Guard (Steve Nash vs. Jason Terry)
• Clutch performance from a forward picked in the 1997 lottery who most of us cannot believe is playing a key role on a potential championship team (Tim Thomas vs. Keith Van Horn)
• Energetic courtside cheerleader (Amare Stoudamire vs. Mark Cuban)

I can see them taking 2 or 3 of these matchups (Barbosa, Thomas for sure, and Amare's actually giving the owner a run for his money). I'm not sure I like the idea of Nash defending anybody, much less Terry. The x-factor is Raja Bell, who has been clutch defensively, and has developed a three-point touch. The problem is, the Mavs have a very similar player in Josh Howard.

So here's the way I see it breaking down. All but one or two of the games will be close, but the Mavs' size advantage and depth will eventually wear the Suns down. I wouldn't be surprised to see it go either way, but I will be much more surprised if Phoenix wins than if Dallas does.

Prediction: Mavs in 6.

Enjoy the games everyone, and remember to root for the Celtics in the lottery tonight!

Do You Feel Like We Do?

Just a gentle reminder, along with some Peter Frampton . Wa Wa Wa Wa WA WAAAA!!!

The Edmonton Oilers versus The Anaheim Mighty Ducks
(Regular Season)

Games Played Since 1998-1999	Oilers Wins	Ducks Wins	Ties	Ducks Wins In Edmonton	Oilers Winning %	Oilers Winning % At Home
29	21	7	1	0	72.4%	100%

*There goes Peter Frampton's big ending. He's gonna be pissed off.

Smile Now, It Won't Last For Long

Here's a prime example of why General Managers should get as much blame--if not more-- for their team's bad fortunes as market size and a CBA. Today Tampa Bay Lightning manager Jay Feaster signed 26-year-old centreman Brad Richards to a five year deal worth an average of $7.8 million a year. You heard me: $7.8 million dollars a year. Only Jaromir Jagr makes more money, now. Not only is that more than a 100% pay increase--which is just retarded--but it also means that the Lightning have used up $20 million in salary cap space on three players: RIchards, Vinnie Lecavalier, and Martin St. Louis. While each are great players, their combined efforts got Tampa Bay as far as a first round ass-kicking this year, after they barely made the playoffs. And all are signed to long-term deals. Perhaps others can shed some light as to why any sane person would make this move, because all I see in this is utter stupidity.

Additional Information:

• List of free agents for the upcoming 2006 NHL season.

• 2005 NHL Team Salaries

***Update*** BoltsMag is breaking down the Richards signing.

***Update*** Ditto Abel To Yzerman

Hey, Red Wings Fans!

Looks like Henrik Zetterberg didn't mind losing to the Oilers in six. Have a great summer!!!

The Best Nicknames In Sports

It never fails. It always happens. I think that I have come up with a neat new sports list for this blog, I brainstorm and do a large amount of groundwork, and then inevitably find out that ESPN has already beaten me to it when I eventually do a Google search. This time around, I decided I wanted to do a list of the Best Sports Nicknames for each of the four major North American sports. Sure as a McEnroe temper tantrum, ESPN has already done it. Hell, even Wikipedia has a list of athlete nicknames, though they don't rank them. So I had to decide: what was I going to do with a mostly completed list of 50-100 names?

Well, I decided to do what any hack without a hint of originality would do, and press on. Below are lists of the Best Nicknames in the major sports, as decided upon by a jury of me, myself and I. My criterion for determining the ranking of these names is as follows:

• Which names are the most enduring?
• Which names are the most hilarious?
• Which names, ultimately, are the most badass and cool?

In making up these lists, several things have come to my attention. The first is that baseball and basketball clearly have the best nicknames in sports. When I originally thought of the idea, I assumed in my mind that baseball would be the clear winner. But when I started putting pen to paper, I realized that basketball was holding it's own. Whereas baseball has a storied history of giving nicknames to its athletes--it appears to have come with the uniform until about 1965--basketball has a recent and vibrant history in doing so. As African American culture and the NBA became synonymous, and players like Darryl Dawkins, Julius Erving and Walt Frazier set the trends, heavily stylized and poetic NBA nicknames became the norm. I'm not Cornell West, so don't quote me on any of this shit, but that is how it appears to me. Sure, nicknames existed in the game before then, but if the past 30-35 years tell us anything, it is that NBA athletes treat the creation and promotion of nicknames as a veritable art form.

What is interesting about baseball is how completely many of the players take on their nicknames. That is to say, oftentimes aplayer's given name will be completely replaced by their nickname. Did you even know that "Cy" is not Cy Young's real name? Or that Satchel Paige's given name is Leroy? Or that Mr. and Mrs. Reese did not actually name their son "Pee Wee"? From Cool Papa Bell to Shoeless Joe Jackson, baseball players have been given nicknames that become the focal point of their identity. It happens in other sports, but not with the regularity in which it has happened in baseball.

Hockey and football certainly have great nicknames, but for the most part they don't compare with baseball and basketball. A large number of the great nicknames in hockey come from members of the Montreal Canadiens, which is not surprising given their dominance of the game and the splendor of the French language. Historically, I think football has the worst nicknames of all. It was not until the arrival of Chris Berman that football finally saw a renaissance in nickname giving. The vast majority of Boomer's names do not make my lists, as I have already done a post on his wondrous work. His nicknames often do not stick, either. They are used by him and by fans, but you won't usually see them in print or on things like posters.

This leads to my final point, which is that other than in the NBA, and from the mouth of Chris Berman, no one else seems interested in applying quality nicknames to players anymore. I don't know why this is, only that it is. Hockey is the worst violator on this front. As Avi regularly points out, most hockey nicknames now entail the simple addition of the "y" or "er" to the end of the last name. Ryan Smyth becomes, "Smytty". Ales Hemsky becomes, "Hemmer". Or even worse, the last name is simply abbreviated, as in Chris Pronger becoming, "Prongs". It is a sad state of affairs really, and one that should be remedied.

Always willing to do its part, SportsMatters team created a "Sports Nickname & Loquaciousness Hall of Fame" intended to recognize the great contributions that athletes, journalists and others in the world of sports have made in the fields of poetry, verbosity, as well as nickname usage and application. Read to the end of this post to see the names of the first six inductees. A player and a builder category exist. The SNNLHOF will eventually grow to include other sports and other categories, but the SNNLHOF Board felt that it would be best to start now with a small sample. Only one player not from the four major sports is being inducted today. When you see who it is, you will know why. It is our hope that this recognition will not only be of benefit to those athletes who have laid the groundwork, but will encourage young and upcoming athletes to pursue extreme elocution and nickname glory. A donation of fifty thousand thesauruses will be made to amateur sports leagues across North America in honour of the inductees.

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Basketball
Honourable Mention: The Big Fundamental (Tim Duncan), Pistol Pete (Pete Maravich), His Airness (Michael Jordan), The Glide (Clyde Drexler), Black Mamba (Kobe Bryant), The Dream (Hakeem Olajuwon), Big Nasty (Corliss Williamson), The Dunkin' Dutchman (Rik Smits), The Pearl (Earl Monroe), The Big O (Oscar Robertson), The Houdini of the Hardwood (Bob Cousy), The Cooz (Bob Cousy),The Kandi Man (Michael Olowokandi), The Reignman (Shawn Kemp), The Spider (John Salley), The Truth (Paul Pierce), The X-Man (Xavier Xavier McDaniel), Zeke from Cabin Creek (Jerry West)

10. The Grand Teuton (Detlef Schrempf)
9. The Glove (Gary Payton)
8. The Mailman (Karl Malone)
7. The Iceman (George Gervin)
6. The Human Highlight Reel (Dominique Wilkins)
5. Grandma-ma (Larry Johnson)
4. Chocolate Thunder (Darryl Dawkins)
3. The Round Mound of Rebound (Charles Barkley)
2. The Basketball Jesus (Larry Bird)
1. The Big Aristotle (Shaquille O'Neal)

Football
Honourable Mention: Too Tall (Ed Jones), Dandy Don (Don Meredith), Ickey (Elbert Woods), Night Train (Dick Lane), Slash (Kordell Stewart), Swervin (Mervin Fernandez), Joey Heisman (Joe Harrington), The Freak (Jevon Kearse), The Molester (Lester Hayes), Deacon (David Jones)

10. Prime Time (Deion Sanders)
9. The Pinball (Michael Clemons)
8. Broadway Joe (Joe Namath)
7. The Juice (Orenthal James Simpson)
6. The Nigerian Nightmare (Christian Okoye)
5. The Galloping Ghost (Red Grange)
4. He Hate Me (Rod Smart)
3. The Minister of Defence (Reggie White)
2. The Fridge (William Perry)
1. Sweetness (Walter Payton)

Baseball
Honourable Mention: Hendu (Dave Henderson), The Yankee Clipper (Joe DiMaggio), The Wizard of Oz (Ozzie Smith), The Big Hurt (Frank Thomas), Spaceman (Bill Lee), Flash (Tom Gordon), Big Papi (David Ortiz), The Cobra (Dave Parker), Godzilla (Hideki Matsui), El Guapo (Rich Garces), Swede (Charles Risberg), The Thrill (Will Clark), Joltin' Joe (Joe DiMaggio), Pee Wee (Harold Reese), Satchel (Leroy Paige), Doc (Dwight Gooden), Babe (George Herman Ruth)

10. Charlie Hustle (Pete Rose)
9. The Georgia Peach (Ty Cobb)
8. Cyclone/Cy (Denton True Young)
7. The Say Hey Kid (Willie Mays)
6. Three Fingers (Mordechai Brown)
5. The Human Rain Delay (Mike Hargrove)
4. The Splendid Splinter (Ted Williams)
3. The Sultan of Swat (Babe Ruth)
2. Shoeless (Joe Jackson)
1. Cool Papa (James Bell)

Hockey
Honourable Mention: The Flower (Guy Lafleur), The Mask (Jim Carrey), The Roadrunner (Yvon Cournoyer), The Silver Fox, Ronnie Franchise (Ron Francis), Coco (Grant Fuhr), Le Gros Bill (Jean Beliveau), Mr. Hockey (Gordie Howe) The Hammer (Dave Schultz), The Tiger (Dave Williams), CuJo (Curtis Joseph), The Grim Reaper (Stu Grimson), Le Magnifique (Mario Lemieux), Big Bird (Larry Robinson), The Stratford Streak (Howie Morenz), The Cowboy (Bill Flett) The Mitchell Meteor (Howie Morenz), The Professor (Igor Larionov), The Red Light (Andre Racicot)

10. The Chicoutimi Cucumber (Georges Vezina)
9. Boom Boom (Bernie Geoffrion)
8. Knuckles (Chris Nilan)
7. The Rat (Ken Linseman)
6. The Bulin Wall (Nikolai Khabibulin)
5. The Little Ball of Hate (Pat Verbeek)
4. The Rocket (Maurice Richard)
3. The Golden Jet (Bobby Hull)
2. Pocket Rocket (Henri Richard)
1. The Magic Man (Kent Nilsson)

Unit Names
Honourable Mention: The Legion of Doom (Philadelphia Flyers), The Monsters of the Midway (Chicago Bears), The Electric Company (Buffalo Bills)

10. The Kraut Line (Boston Bruins)
9. The Dirty Birds (Atlanta Falcons)
8. The Broadstreet Bullies (Philadelphia Flyers)
7. The Steel Curtain (Pittsburgh Steelers)
6. The French Connection (Buffalo Sabres)
5. Run TMC (Golden State Warriors)
4. The Four Horseman (Notre Dame Fight Irish)
3. The Triple Crown Line (Los Angeles Kings)
2. Phi Slamma Jamma (University of Houston)
1. Purple People Eaters (Minnesota Vikings)

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Sports Nickname & Loquaciousness Hall of Fame:

Athlete: George Herman Ruth
Nickname: Babe, The Great Bambino, The Sultan of Swat, The Colossus of Clout, The Wali of Wallop, The Wazir of Wham, The Maharajah of Mash, The Rajah of Rap, The Caliph of Clout, The Behemoth of Bust, Blunderbuss, The Mammoth of Maul, The Mauling Mastodon, The Mauling Monarch, The Prince of Powders, and The Great and Powerful Babe Ruth.
Contribution: Holder of the greatest nicknames in sports. Also the athlete by which all others are compared ("The Babe Ruth of...").

Athlete: Muhammad Ali
Nickname: The Greatest
Contribution: The Poet Laureate of the Sporting World.

Athlete/Builder: Darryl Dawkins
Nickname: Chocolate Thunder
Contribution: The Innovator. Took nicknames and verbiage to a whole new level. Named his slam dunks, and claimed to be an alien from the planet Lovetron.

Athlete: Shaquille O'Neal
Nickname(s): Big Aristotle, Shaq-Fu, Diesel, Superman, Doctor Shaq
Contribution: The Philosopher. Other than Ali, the most quotable athlete in the history of sports.

Athlete: Ted Williams
Nickname: The Splendid Splinter, The Kid, Teddy Ballgame, Thumper
Contribution: Multitude of nicknames, denoting playing excellence.

Builder: Chris Berman
Nickname: Boomer
Contribution: The Emperor. Has built a career out of creating and delivering phrases and nicknames.

Brother, Is He Sharp*

Well, the Oilers had no business winning that game, but they will take it. I know I will. Rollie steals the game, with help from Fernando and Peca. Spacek looked horrible again, and everyone else looked exhausted. Hopefully that flu doesn't spread any further.

And the Ducks? Well, the series isn't over (see Oilers vs. Sharks), but here is a visual representation of their play so far...




* Courtesy of the CBC's Bob Cole, on Dwayne Roloson. It was about the only sensible thing the senile bastard said all night.

Seventh Heaven

This afternoon marks the first of three Game Sevens in the second round of the NBA playoffs. LeBron, who couldn't close out the Pistons at home in Game 6, gets a second crack at The Palace in Auburn Hills. The seventh games of the San Antonio-Dallas and Phoenix-LA series go tomorrow night.

A few things worth noting about these games:

• The home team nearly always wins Game Sevens in the NBA playoffs - I'm not sure why. Regardless, Eric Kuselius of ESPN Radio mentioned on Friday that they have about an 80% success rate, which doesn't bode well for the Cavs, Mavs, and Clippers.

• Almost everyone agrees that this has been the most exciting NBA playoff in some time. I wonder if that will continue if we end up with the same final four as last year, which odds tell us will happen. I don't know about you, but I'm not getting excited about the prospect of another Spurs-Pistons final. On the scale of exciting rematches, this definitely ranks above Holyfield-Ruiz II, but I'm not willing to give it any further hype.

• If we end up with the same final four as last year, I have to root for the Suns, since they would be the only team of the four that is generally entertaining to watch. I love Shaq and D-Wade, but Heat games tend to be hit or miss. I should also note that while these would create rematches on paper, the Heat and Suns have significantly different lineups than last year - both teams have 3 new players in the starting lineup, and several key reserves who weren't with them last year.

• Of the three teams going on the road, I would give the Cavs the best chance of winning (because LeBron can single-handedly win the game), followed by the Clippers (they won Game 6, so they have a bit of momentum), then the Mavs. I wrote about Dirk and the Mavs last week, and I still think that they missed their chance to close this series out. Game 5 was a tough loss, and losing Jason Terry for Game 6 definitely hurt. Nonetheless, now that they have to go on the road for Game 7, I don't think that anything short of a miracle is going to get them through to the Conference Final.

• Not to take anything away from the Pistons and the Spurs, but if they advance - and continue on to the finals - I'll stop buying into the hype about the new and improved NBA. It would be like seeing teams like the Dallas Stars and New Jersey Devils in the Stanley Cup Finals this year. For all the talk of eliminating clutching and grabbing, and creating a more offensive, exciting game, you end up with the boring, unimaginative clutch and grab teams who represented the worst of the previous era. That's how I feel about the Spurs and Pistons. While they're fundamentally sound, and find ways to win, they don't excite me. For all their technical superiority, I just can't get over the way they emphasize defense and physical play (Detroit) and whine to the refs all game (San Antonio). Seeing the old guard teams advance will ruin a lot of the good will that the first two rounds of the playoffs built up. At least, that's the way I feel. So that's why I really hope the Cavs and Mavs can find ways to advance. And my seat on the Clippers bandwagon is firmly entrenched.

To finish, here are five more reasons why you should root for the underdogs tonight and tomorrow:

• The chance for LeBron to keep building on his legend.

• The chance for LeBron's neckbeard to grow to Abe Lincoln-like proportions.

• You have to feel for the tortured Cleveland fan base.

• At least one more round of Mark Cuban.

• The prospect of the Clippers knocking off the Spurs or Mavs and playing for the championship. A Clippers' championship to follow up the Red Sox's and White Sox's World Series wins would be the perfect way to cap off a strange 18 months in sports.

So here we are. I predicted that the Spurs and Clippers would win in seven, so I should stick with that. I'd like to believe in LeBron, but I gotta think that PA Announcer John Mason is going to the MVP in this game. How the Pistons ever lose when they have him to fire up the home crowd is beyond me.

Enjoy the games, and root for the Clip!

Heartbreak At Pimlico

Most of the time, when we see a competitor carted off the field of play, we pray that in the worst case, they'll be back later that year, and that their career is not in jeopardy. That's not the case tonight with Barbaro, the Kentucky Derby champion race horse, whose life is in danger after breaking his leg in two places early in the Preakness Stakes today.

It was a weird race as Barbaro broke early from the gate, and had to be corralled, and led back to the gate. He got off to a clean start the second time around, and appeared to be running fine until he took one bad step. As soon as Jockey Edgar Prado pulled him up, the race itself took a backseat to the fallen champion. Watching the race live on television, you could hear the life sucked out of the crowd as soon as it happened.

As a horse racing fan, and devoted watcher of the Triple Crown, this is the most horrifying moment I remember from any race, beating out the injury to Charismatic in the stretch run of the 1999 Belmont Stakes. Charismatic's career ended, but he underwent successful surgery that night and his life was saved. Obviously, I hope that the same will happen for Barbaro.

Now, with that being said, Bernardini ran a good race, but with the way he dominated the field on the back stretch, it's clear that this was a very weak year for Triple Crown horses. He's just about the only one who might have had a chance at keeping up with Barbaro. I'll still watch the Belmont, but I don't have high hopes.

For those who want to watch, here's the video of the race and the immediate post-race coverage, courtesy of YouTube:

Crawford Goes To Hollywood

Marc Crawford has reportedly agreed to coach the Los Angeles Kings next season. Crawford was fired as Vancouver's head coach at the end of the 05/06 season after the Canucks failed to adavnce to the post-season. In the six seasons under Crawford's command Vancouver reached the playoffs four times, but advanced past the first round only once in 2002/03 when they were ousted by the Minnesota Wild in the conference semi-finals. The Kings, meanwhile, look to find a permanent replacement for head coach Andy Murray, who was fired mid-season amidst rumours that he had lost control of his team. A press conference has been announced for Monday, where the Kings are expected to confirm Crawford's new postion with the club.

Congratulations, Tyler Snyder

From the Contra Costa Times:

Snyder, 19, reached up and snagged Barry Bonds' 714th home run ball as it sailed into the right field bleachers at McAffee Coliseum in Oakland.

"He's going to sell it, he knows where the money is," said Snyder's 21-year-old brother Tom Snyder.

"Tyler, just like always, stuck his glove up and it went right into it," Tom Snyder said.

The younger Snyder, a longtime A's fan, is known as a ballpark "bleacher bum." His brother said he's caught lots of other fly balls with his Mizuno glove.

As soon as Snyder caught the record-tying ball, he was whisked away by stadium security personnel.

Surrounding fans shouted "Tyler got it, Tyler got it."

The Las Positas College student said at a press conference shortly after he caught the ball that he plans to sell it and that he "hates" Bonds.

Before Tyler departed the stands someone in the crowd offered him $50,000 and a trip to the Baseball Hall of Fame at Cooperstown, N.Y. in exchange for the ball. The offer was turned down.

Mighty, My Ass

Warning: The numbers below are so staggeringly lopsided even Steve Staios and Georges Laraque couldn't believe it when I showed them.

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The Edmonton Oilers versus The Anaheim Mighty Ducks

Year	Oilers Wins	Ducks Wins	Ties	Ducks Wins In Edmonton
2005-2006	4	0	0	0
2003-2004	3	1	0	0
2002-2003	4	0	0	0
2001-2002	3	1	0	0
2000-2001	2	2	1	0
1999-2000	2	2	0	0
1998-1999	3	3	0	1
1997-1998	2	3	0	1
1996-1997	0	4	1	2
1995-1996	4	1	0	0
1994-1995	2	2	0	0
1993-1994	0	4	0	1

All-Time Games Played	Oilers Wins	Ducks Wins	Ties	Ducks Wins In Edmonton	Oilers Winning %	Oilers Winning % At Home
52	29	21	2	5	58%	96.2%

Games Played Since 1998-1999	Oilers Wins	Ducks Wins	Ties	Ducks Wins In Edmonton	Oilers Winning %	Oilers Winning % At Home
29	21	7	1	0	72.4%	100%

NHL Conference Finals Playoff Predictions

Whew. My God. This is awesome. Two rounds into the NHL playoffs, and both the Edmonton Oilers and Carolina Hurricanes are still alive. Who would have thunk it? Oh wait. I thunk it. In fact, I predicted it. Abboud called me a homer, and others doubted my predictions, but both the Oil and Whale are alive and kicking. I don't think I've been this happy in two years, when the Red Sox won the World Series.

I continue to dominate with the predictions. After going 6 for 8 in Round 1, I went 3 for 4 in Round 2. I have 100% accuracy in the East, and only the Avalanche and those Mighty Ducks have fowled up my plans (damn you and your Flying V!). As for the others...well.. take a look:

Round 2
Avi: 3/4 correct (Edmonton, Anaheim, Buffalo)
Abboud: 1/4 correct (Anaheim)
Nate: 2/4 correct (Edmonton, Buffalo)
Grabia: 3/4 correct (Edmonton, Carolina, Buffalo)

Round 1
Avi: 4/8 correct (San Jose, Ottawa, Carolina, Buffalo)
Abboud: 3/8 correct (Ottawa, Carolina, New Jersey)
Nate: 4/8 correct (San Jose, Ottawa, Carolina, Buffalo)
Grabia: 6/8 correct (Edmonton, San Jose, Ottawa, Carolina, New Jersey, Buffalo)
2k6 4/8 correct (Edmonton, Carolina, New Jersey, Buffalo)

As you can see, Abboud has added "making Sports Select picks" to his list of things you should never let him do for you, joining "putting a bed frame together", "putting out a toaster oven fire", and "picking up a woman who doesn't have a penis." Just an awful clip. Avi improved his percentage of correct calls this round, and Nate remains at a Flames-like winning percentage of .500. None of them come even close to my .750 average, though. I'm so on fire, I'm expecting a call from Al Pacino any day now. Grabia, you're working for me now. Hoo-ah! Our complete predictions from the last round are here and here.

It has become clear that my beard mojo is an unstoppable force for good. Like Superman. I am now 4-0 with the anti-beard/I Love Nerds/Hartford Whalers combination. Sadly, it appears that a whole group of Oilers fans are now thinking it is okay to eliminate their playoff beards. First it was Chris at Covered in Oil. Then it was Oilers fan in exile (Vancouver) Colin Mitzel. Now Sacamano at Battle of Alberta is contemplating the move. I find the whole thing revolting, even though I too am beardless. The difference of course is that my hairlessness is a karmic gesture (you can read about it in one of the links above), whereas the moves by the other men are soulless moves to please their women and survive the current heat wave in Edmonton. I find Sac's move to be the most deplorable, because not only was he the one who chastised me for shaving my beard in the first place, but he also helped me draft a letter about Chris to ESPN's very own Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. Earlier this week, in the midst of the Great Beard Controversy of 2006, Sac and I fired off a letter to Simmons' fan bag about the rules of shaving off the playoff beard. As of yet, nothing has appeared on Simmons' site--and indeed it may never appear--but it did indeed happen. Here is what we sent off:

Sports Guy,

I know your current feelings about the game of hockey, but I need a ruling here. The Edmonton Oilers are currently on a supernatural run in the NHL playoffs. After defeating the league’s best regular season team (Detroit), the Oilers are one win away from eliminating Joe Thornton and the San Jose Sharks (and yes, I put the name Joe Thornton in there to help garner your support). Amongst many of the blogs devoted to the Oilers up here in Canada—and there are many—there is a consensus that much if not all of the Oilers success is due to what we have affectionately termed, “the beard mojo.” It is a long and convoluted tale—all of which you can read about here, here and here if you so desire—but the gist of it is that the Oilers success is currently riding on the karmic balance achieved by one fan who has been steadily growing his playoff beard, and by another who has in fact been shaving it on every game day. This balance was first achieved when the Oilers were down 2-0, and it looked like they would soon be booking tee-times. Since that time, the Oilers have since rattled off three wins in a row.

Obviously, the beard mojo is an unstoppable force deserving of, nay requiring, continued worship and adherence. The problem is, the bearded party in this endeavor is considering shaving his beard. Even worse, he is considering doing so because his girlfriend is coming into town. We are emailing you not because we are uncertain of the answer to this dilemma—it is patently obvious to any sports fan not caught in the libidinous thralls of a Siren—but because we need your support in convincing the Bearded Wonder that he is making a tragic error. As a long suffering Sox fan and a man who is knowledgeable on the history of hockey and playoff beards, you know what is at stake here. Edmontonians have suffered through the loss of Gretzky, Coffey, Messier, Fuhr, Anderson, Lowe and Kurri. Our team has almost folded, several times. Our collective psyche has been on the ropes for over fifteen years. Our city needs this, and yet one man is flushing the whole thing away for a weekend of making out and dry humping. The Hockey Gods have offered him and his stubbly visage immortality, but his refusal is sure to have massive repercussions for us all. Help us, Sports Guy. You’re our only hope.

An interesting storyline that I haven't read about anywhere else--which isn't saying much because I pretty well stick to reading only my own material--is that two longtime Oilers not now playing for that team are still in the playoffs. Former captain Dougie Weight is playing on the 3rd line in Carolina, and the poster boy for Edmonton's offence in the 90's--all speed, no hands--Todd Marchant, is playing in Anaheim. Marchant even has a Wikipedia entry, which must have been written by an Oilers fan: "Todd Marchant is known for getting many breakaway opportunities due to his speed, but he is not very adept at scoring on these chances, and is known to often miss the net entirely."

Weight left for much "greener" pastures in St. Louis, and has done almost nothing since then. Ditto for Marchant, who openly fought with GM Kevin Lowe and then left for a perennial Stanley Cup contender in Columbus. Both men remain icons in this town, Weight for his world-class play and Marchant for his game-winning goal in Game 7 against the Dallas Stars in 1997. Interestingly, it was Weight who made the initial pass to Marchant, who then blew by Stars defenceman Grant Ledyard and put the puck over top of another ex-Oiler, Andy Moog. It was the Oilers first playoff round win since 1992, when...tada!...they reached the Conference Finals against the Chicago Blackhawks. I can't help but wonder what both men think about the current success of their old team, and how different things may have turned out if the current CBA was in place when both were still here. Seeing them both play in this round will assuredly remind some Edmontonians of the Oilers long exile in the economical and statistical hinterland of the NHL, making the teams current success all the more sweeter. One final note on Weight: he is one of four Edmonton Oilers captains still remaining in the NHL playoffs. The other three are current Oilers captain Jason Smith, current Oilers head coach Craig MacTavish, and of course current Oilers GM Kevin Lowe.

This blog has been littered with posts on the NHL playoffs for the past two weeks, with the majority focusing on the Edmonton Oilers. I can't link to them all, so feel free to journey down the rabbit hole and have a look for yourself. If you are looking for more information on the playoffs and the upcoming round, I encourage you to have a look at the sites below. Here are our predictions for the Western and Eastern Conference Finals. Stay classy, hockey fans!

• Matchups and series breakdowns from Yahoo!.

• ESPN main playoff page.

•Playoff leaders.

•NHL playoff odds report from Colby Cosh.

•Oilers coverage from The Battle of Alberta.

•Oilers coverage from Tyler at mc79hockey.

•Oilers coverage from Covered In Oil.

•Canes coverage from Red & Black Hockey.

•Canes coverage from Cason Blog.

•Canes coverage from Ron Francis.

•Sabres coverage from Sabre Rattling.

•Sabres coverage from Buffalo Blog.

•Coverage of all teams from James Mirtle.

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(6) Anaheim Mighty Ducks
(98 pts.)
vs.
(8) Edmonton Oilers
(95 pts.)Oilers won season series,
4-0
Game Times

Avi
"We feel we're 90 per cent done," said Craig MacTavish after Wednesday's win. Over a 110-game year, he's right. But for now, the Oil are only halfway to the 16 playoff wins they need.

It's apparently enough for some. "I had a major rush because the Oilers won," 20 year-old Kaleigh McNeil told the Journal, "and I just had to show all the people my [breasts]."

Ahem. If Kaleigh is to be persuaded to further bursts of enthusiasm, the Oilers will have to solve their biggest challenge yet: the incomparable goaltending of Ilya Bryzgalov, who has shut-out opponents in half his postseason starts.

How will they do it? Insert your own oil-duck-Lake Wabamun analogy here.

My money says the Oilers are up to it, if only because they've finally shown the kind of determination needed to win playoff games. Up 1-0 last night, they played the third period as though they were down a goal, and were rewarded with an insurance marker.

There are still holes: mental lapses that can suck-up whole periods of hockey, and an increase in visits to the penalty box.

But the bottom line is this: talent + effort = results. For over a decade, the lack of talent undermined the motivation of effort; deep down, the Oil knew they couldn't win, and so the players' efforts were inconsistent.

Now they've got the talent, and they've realized that the Cup is attainable by effort alone; hence the superhuman feats.

"Youthful risk-takers abandon caution in raucous celebration," headlined my morning paper. I think we're going to be reading that again, and soon.
Pick: Edmonton in 6.

Abboud
Way back when, I predicted that Anaheim would make the Stanley Cup Final. Less than two months later, I recanted. Then Anaheim gelled, and now, six months later, they are four wins away from fulfilling my prediction. So given that I’ve flipped, I don’t have a problem with flopping.

Anaheim will win this series for the following reasons:

• Ilya Bryzgalov has been positively Tretiak-esque.
• They’ve had time to rest, while Edmonton gets 48 hours off of what was effectively a seven game series.
• They play boring, stifling defensive hockey, which seems to work well – even in the "new" NHL.
• Teemu Selanne has discovered the fountain of youth.
• If the Sharks series is any indication, the refs (and Greg Millen) will do everything in their power to put Anaheim in a position to win.

So there it is. The Oil will make a run, but come up short.
Pick: Anaheim in 6.

Nate
I don’t think anybody could have predicted this match up in the finals. Though Edmonton is the bigger surprise of the two, no one gave Anaheim any respect right from round one. Bryzgalov is the co-winner of the most surprising player of the post-season along with Cam Ward of the Hurricanes. The Avalanche really didn’t get a sniff against the Ducks and folded like a cheaply made Skoda (just like I thought they would against the Stars in round one). One of the recurring themes this year in the playoffs seems to involve teams getting complacent when they haven’t been met with a challenge; this applies to the Ducks and is probably compounded by the fact that they won’t have played in over a week when game one of the Western Final rolls around. The Oilers, on the other hand, have won four straight, including their Wednesday night series victory in Oil Country. Craig MacTavish’s squad has done everything they have needed to do to win in the playoffs: they have dominated in the faceoff circle, blocked tons of shots and played gritty, hard forechecking hockey. Dwayne Roloson has been solid in net and has made some great saves; however, based on their play against San Jose, kudos goes to the Oilers' defensemen for helping their goaltender out as much as possible. At some point in this series Bryzgalov will collapse. I just can’t see him keeping his play up. As for the rest of his team, I think they are pretenders and are about to be exposed.

The Oilers are better defensively and look like a more complete team. As much as I hate to see them succeed, I can’t really say I’m fond of the Mighty Ducks. Sadly, therefore, I must pick the Oilers will go to the Cup finals.
Pick: Edmonton in 5. (I hope Andy doesn’t scold me for picking them to win as he seems to be getting edgier and more superstitious as the Oilers move on.)

Grabia
"Oh! Tis The Season! FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LAFONTAINE!!!"

--Rick Jeanneret

Welcome aboard, fans from Vancouver, Calgary, Ottawa, Toronto, Montreal and all other places in between. The Edmonton Oilers remain the last Canadian team in the NHL playoffs, and so over the next couple weeks I will be stuck listening to thousands of "patriots" talk ad nauseum about how they now support the Oilers. Frankly, I don't want any of them to support our team, but I doubt I have much choice in the matter. Super.

I am confident that at least the fine citizens of Manitoba will refuse to cheer for the Oilers, instead throwing all their support behind ex-Jets Teemu Selanne and Randy Carlyle. Yet I am also confident that the ex-Jets and their fans will carry on their long-standing tradition of losing to the Edmonton Oilers in the playoffs. I am getting a little tired of the "underdog" tag constantly being hung around the Oilers neck this playoff year. The Oilers finished with 95 points in the best division in hockey, and they won the season series against both the Wings and the Sharks. This does not change with the Ducks, who Edmonton beat all four times they played this year. Anaheim also hasn't won in Edmonton since 1999, and I don't expect it to change now.

Granted, I have consistently underestimated the Ducks this year. I did not expect them to beat Calgary or Colorado. I certainly didn't expect Selanne to become a more valuable playoff player than Joe Thornton (and my bar was very low). And that Communist they have in net has been impressive. Yet I just don't see the Ducks winning this one. Edmonton is a deeper team, and they seem determined to win at any cost. Most impressive to me, they have actually closed out the series against the Wings and the Sharks when they had the chance, not pulling off the usual Oilers brain fart. They have eliminated the 3rd period meltdown, and are insanely dangerous on the penalty kill. They had nine breakaways last night, and at least half of them had to be on the penalty kill. Even though the NHL is attempting to fix the series in Anaheim's favour by making the Oilers play on two days rest, ignore the "underdog" claim: Edmonton is the team to beat in the West.
Pick: Edmonton in 7.

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(2) Carolina Hurricanes
(112 pts.)
vs.
(4) Buffalo Sabres
(110 pts.)Hurricanes won season series, 3-1
Game Times

Avi
Having learned from the quarterfinals not to doubt my original thin-slicing, I'm going back to my round-one view: Carolina is the real deal. Their appearance in the conference final should surprise no one.

Save for game four, the 'Canes dominated a New Jersey team that came into the quarters stacked with a veteran goaltender, deep lines and a league-leading winning streak.

The Sabres are also a great, deep squad, and on any given night they can win the game. But in a conference final that should be dominated by end-to-end rushes, the 'Canes have the better talent. All over the 'Park, teenage girls are readying Cam Ward posters for their bedroom walls.
Pick: Carolina in 7.

Abboud
Who would have ever predicted this at the start of the year? Not me, that’s for sure. These teams have earned it, though, with Carolina reeling off four straights wins to knock off Montreal in six, then smoking the red hot Devils in five to get here. The move to Cam Ward has paid off, as they are 8-1 in games that he has started.

Buffalo advanced in five, but every game against the Senators was close. They are deep, balanced, and have solid goaltending, but I don’t see them matching up talent-wise with the ‘Canes. Eric Staal is playing like the franchise player he is, and they have veterans like Ray Whitney, Doug Weight, and Mark Recchi to compliment him. Ward and Miller are a wash, so I give this series to the ‘Canes.
Pick: Carolina in 5, to create the first-ever Sun Belt Stanley Cup series.

Nate
This is the best of all possible matchups in the playoffs this year. Both teams have fast, talented players that aren’t afraid to put on a show. Both are riding high on rookie goaltenders who should give their respective teams a chance to compete in every game. While the Canes have the experience, Buffalo has more grit and better goaltending. This series could go
either way, but Miller looks like he’s ready to carry his team all of the way.
Pick: Buffalo in 7.

Grabia
"Oh Now Do You Believe?!? Now Do You Believe?!? These Guys Are Good! Scarrrrry Good!"

--Rick Jeanneret

I am so torn on this series. The Whale are my second favorite team, and I really want them to advance and play the Oilers in the final. But I love watching the Sabres play, and I have all kinds of time for their radio announcer Rick Jeanneret. So what do I do?

Well, I gotta go with the Canes. Nate is right: this is the series to watch. Ward and Miller. Staal and Brierre. Brind' Amour and McKee. Miller and Maguire (thank God I won't be forced to suffer through Cole, Neale or Millen for at least part of this round). It is going to be awesome. My only concern is that Abboud picked the Canes. His track record speaks for itself, which means that Carolina could be in trouble. Here's hoping that my beard/jersey mojo will continue to have its positive effect on this series as well.
Pick: Carolina in 7.

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